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viviti

I have seen his willful ways, but I will lead him also. and recompense him, restore  comfort to him, and to those who mourn for him.
Peace! Peace !
to him who is far off and to him who is near, says the Lord. I create the fruit of his lips and I will heal him - make his lips blossom anew with thankful praise.
[Isaiah 57:18,19]
[excerpt from journels kept over 15yrs]

"...I swear I have a  file cabnet next to my bed, the top drawer is full and overflowing....with nothing but notebooks, journels, revelations teachings, longings, confessions and ponderings...of insights, various subjects, musings,and prayers.
Yet the freedom I seek isnt found in the information about my pain - although the ability to be honest with myself and before God has improved, still the truth about my state does not provide freedom - only a fleeting solace.
Freedom - I want freedom - I want freedom.  Holiness - I want Holiness - I want Holiness _ I want obediance, I want Isaiah chapter 61!..."
[July 4, 1996]
 ~thus says the Lord, Whose name is Holy: I dwell in the high and Holy place, with him also who is of a thoroughly penitent and humble spirit ~ to revive the spirit of the humble and the heart of the thoroughly penitent - bruised with sorrow for sin.
[Isaiah 57:15]
"The damage of abuse is lived out through the arena of interpersonal relationships"
My Lord, I know I havent been close to you, but I do want victory over my addictions and eating disorders..From all the shame and hurt that is in me. When i sing i feel you..your anointing and it breaks the yokes...?
It isnt doing that in my life! why? Holy Spirit answer these things, speak to me, I need your words. I deisre to have my life hidded in Christ.
[August 27, 1993]
 
As for Me, this is My covenant with them, says the  Lord:
My Spirit Who is upon you~
Who writes the Law of God inwardly, upon the heart~
My words which I have put in you, shall not depart out of your mouth, or out of the mouth of your children or your childrens children~
[isaiah 59:21]




FACING THE BATTLE - GENERATIONAL DELIVERANCE

[STYLE OF RELATING TO OTHERS]

My interpersonal relationships were an x-ray, if you will. Revealing the condition of my heart. I was unable to live selflessly, passionately, boldly...
 I was self protective and under the belief that its a matter of time before I'm hurt again...

Trusting God involved the loss of my agenda's. And any inclination to live a lie - [which indeed was my tendency]
To lie may have been a self protection for me.. But genuine trust demanded that I allow God to matter MORE than the impact of abuse  ~selah
The cost of this kind of freedom was losing what I had deemed most secure. The defense mechanisms I learned to protect me.

To be in Gods way - required taking the narrow path. That means there was no room for my baggage. Here lies the most poiniant example in my favorite book: hinds feet on high places.  The main character, 'Much Afraid' [thats her name],

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